Ron Artest Devises a Theory of Zero Sum Team Play. Only it Doesn’t Really Work.

Ron Artest has been talking a lot about winning lately for one reason: it puts a positive spin on his reduced role in the team's offense. How else can he explain why his scoring, shooting percentage and playing time are all significantly down this season?

Promoting the basis behind his new strategy this weekend, Ron Ron lectured members of the press  on how his declining significance is merely due to 'Guys getting better. Shannon Brown got much better. It's his time to shine. Steve Blake is averaging more than Jordan Farmar last year and then Matt Barnes is probably averaging more than Luke Walton. So if you take all those points, those are points I probably could have had. But those are team points. The sun comes out when it's going to come out. You can't just force it. I could go maybe eight for 15 every game or something like that, and take away shots from other guys. I'd rather have two points and everyone else score. I'd rather win.'

Well, the first half of Artest's plan is going swimmingly. This season Ron is successfully averaging a career low 8.2 points a game and playing less minutes than ever. He recently orchestrated a masterful two-point performance against Sacramento, chipped in an effective four points against Houston and had nine points against Washington last night.

Except the Lakers aren't really winning that many games. They've lost four of their last six and LA is now tied for fifth place in the league and ranks a paltry forth in the relatively weak Western Conference. Artest's argument that offensive basketball is a zero-sum game is a cop out. Points aren't spread around, they're made.

If the Laker's start really winning and make the playoff run everyone's expecting, we'll reassess the the  validity of Ron Ron the strategist. Until then, Artest should stop talking about pursuing a professional football/boxing career, stop masquerading as Houston Rocket's Luis Scola on radio shows and start playing basketball.  

Did the NBA just Bail Out the New Orleans Hornets?

Every now and then the Big Business aspect of professional sports gets juiced up enough that it actually becomes interesting. The money extends beyond the trivialness of salaries and enters a realm where the real players think not in millions but in billions. Where the sweaty athletes chasing balls fade to black as men in suits slice, dice and mend the world into a better, more competitive balance sheet.

Today, the financial arm of the NBA confirmed its impressive plan to purchase the New Orleans Hornets from the squabbling ownership of George Shinn and Gary Chouest. Under the rock steady leadership of Commissioner David Stern, the NBA will, for the first time in its history, assume ownership of one of its teams.

While the circumstances and eventual consequences of the deal remain uncertain and opaque, this morning's slew of interviews and press releases has cleared up a few things.

1) While the NBA has yet to make a detailed offer for the Hornets, Stern and his legion of investment banker have valued the team at upwards of $300 million; an amount the league has made clear they're more than willing to pay.

2) The league was essentially forced into the deal after negotiations between Chouest and Shinn fell through, leaving the financially floundering Hornets on the brink of either collapsing or being relocated to another city.

3) The NBA will maintain ownership of the Hornets until a buyer emerges who intends to keep the team in much belaguered New Orleans. Had the NBA not stepped in with its offer, the Hornets would have likely been sold to business interests with plans of moving the team to either Anaheim, Kansas City or Seattle.

5) The league has been working closely with city officials and the Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal, to ensure that the Katrina-ravished New Orleans maintains a professional sports team as it reconstructs itself.

6) The NBA is going to make hundreds of millions of dollars off this deal. Because anybody who knows anything about buying assets, (whether they be basketball teams or securities) knows that the best time to buy is in crappy, repressed markets at low prices and the best time to sell is in booming, bullish markets at high prices.

At the tail end of a one of the most pesimistic markets in history, the NBA has has just scooped up a huge asset at a bargain price.  It also helps that during this period, the NBA will likely sign a collective bargaining agreement designed to maximize ownership profits and institute a revenue sharing system which essentially guarantees  a minimum of $10 million in profit for each and every team. Compound the new CBA with a robust economic climate and the value of the Hornets franchise will soar.

The strategy, while new to the NBA isn't unprecended for professional sports leagues. In 2002 the MLB scooped up the tanking Montreal Expos for the bargain rate of $120 million and  quickly sold it to the Washington National for $450 million only 4 years later.

The NBA and do the same thing. And make sure New Orleans keeps a team in needs in the process.

Steve Nash's Bounce Pass is like Crack for Hakim Warrick

In Sunday's Phoenix-Washington game, Hakim Warrick delivered another sledgehammer dunk off a Steve Nash pick & roll bounce pass.



While Warrick has averaged a modest 10ppg playing for Memphis, Chicago and Milwaukee, he's forming an interesting groove in Phoenix with its skipper Steve Nash.

Warrick's wiry 6'9 frame and quick hands let him explode to the rim, almost as if he's uncoiling. Catching a pick & roll pass on the go, his lankiness allows him to cock the ball back, giving him enough time to gather his momentum as he hurls himself towards the rim.

The key to optimizing this kind of a Steve Nash pick & roll is an ability for the receiver to essentially deal with whatever stands between them and the rim.

Much like Amar'e, Warrick has proven he can do just that.







Great off-season pick up. Phoenix management proves astute again.

Read his Lips: Cavaliers Coach Tells LeBron James to 'Shut the F*** Up'

LeBronocalypse was avoided and the city of Cleveland still stands. Even with LeBron pounding the Cavaliers like a pile of raw hamburger and the Heat winning 118-90, nothing was thrown, nothing was torched. All in all, it was a pretty boring game.

But people did have things to say, including a Cavaliers assistant coach who very clearly tells James to STFU after some trash talking near the Cleveland bench.



Unfortunately it was pretty much the only ballsy thing the Cavs pulled last night, and I don't even think LeBron noticed. Oh yeah, Mo Williams sort of snubbed James at the beginning of the third quarter.



Boy, revenge sure is sweet.

The Cavaliers owed it to their indignant fans to provoke and harass LeBron; to at least make it look like he had a target on his back. A slew of hard fouls, some trash talking and a little bit of Detroit Pistons late 80s violence would have sufficed. STFU probably gets thrown around every three minutes in the NBA, and Mo Williams acting like an ex-girlfriend just didn't cut it.

Greatest Dunk in the History of Israel?

Damn, maybe we need to start watching more Euro league basketball. Former Gonzaga star Jeremy Pargo breaks his defender's ankles, parts the defence like Moses and bangs on a 7-footer with American wrath. Chicago's not quite finest gets it down for the Tel Aviv Maccabi.

Will Tonight Be Lebronageddon in Cleveland?

Tonight LeBron James will spend 48 minutes playing in front of the most pugnacious crowd in NBA history. With the sun down and a dark wind coming off Lake Erie, the Q Arena will become a raving tinderbox filled to the brim with booze soaked Clevelanders. They will be armed with vile chants, projectiles and the Midwestern disposition of having nothing to lose.

Bars are being filled as we speak. Already, office workers have slipped into utility closets to sip gin and sharpen the ends of broomsticks. In outer borrows, women are stitching together elaborate effigies while bearded men drink cheap beer and watch taped versions of The Decision. Ticketless suburbanites and hooligans are busy planning the nights activities; mainly jersey burning, looting and bus attacking. 'How to make a molotov cocktail' has likely been Googled.



An American city hasn't been so united in hate for years. For it to come together in a pulseless place like Cleveland will be a spectacle to behold. That its citizens suffered a half-century of sports failure only to be abandoned with such ostentatious disregard at a very real moment of hope has been compounded by years of economic hardship. Cavalier fans are not only feeling hurt and angry, they're feeling helpless.

Except for tonight which makes it so dangerous.

The NBA's going to wish they scheduled this one for a Tuesday night.

Dunk You Very Much. Blake Griffin's Top 10 Dunks Are Out

The popular thing to do right now is recommend Griffin for the dunk contest. But given he specializes more in dunking with power (like a gorilla) than with flaying limbs (like a pterodactyl) we're not sure he's got the repertoire. Dunk contests are typically won by lanky small forwards, dwarfish guards and Dwight Howard, not by 6'10 250 lbs power forwards. This kid's game looks increasingly groundbreaking with every play, so who knows what we'll get come All-Star Weekend.

Here he is winning the McDonald's All American Dunk contest way back in 2007



But NBA dunk contest or not, there's going to be plenty of Blake Griffin dunks to go around.

Allen Iverson Starts Hocking Personal Belongings on eBay

As a professional athlete's financial situation implodes, they inevitably turn to pawning their personal belonging to raise cash. Allen Iverson has decided to use eBay. The 'Iverson Authentic' store is now open and selling things like the jersey from his first game in Turkey, a collection of signed Reebok shoes, the arm sleeves he made so famous, an autographed Michael Jordan White Sox Jersey and entire NBA uniforms, warm-up gear and all.

I don't know what's worse; that fact one of the NBA's modern legacies is so broke he has an eBay account, or that by buying his stuff, you're actually helping him out.

First he gets shunned from the NBA, then he signs in Turkey and now he's peddling his own second-hand shoes. There's a pattern here. It's called disintegration.

Kevin McHale Learns why He Shouldn't Make Weird Anthrax Jokes on NBA TV

Kevin McHale's LeBron/anthrax joke
Kevin, it doesn't matter how many accolades you won with Boston, you still can't drop weird jokes on TV about LeBron James spraying anthrax into NBA crowds. It just doesn't work. Webb seems to find it funny, chuckling right through to the commercial break, but he probably couldn't think of anything to say. Weirdo Ernie Johnson doesn't do much, mumbling something about ignoring McHale next time he sees him. Another stellar performance from the team at Turner Broadcasting.

Old Gods Will Crumble in Dallas

Despite Dallas handing Miami another loss this Saturday and improving their record to 12-4 (third-best in the league behind only the Lakers and Spurs) the Mavericks have garnered little attention or hype.

And rightfully so.

Because while a team stocked with Caron Butler, Tyson Chandler, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion and All-Star Dirk Nowitzki might sound like a Boston-Los Angeles style powerhouse and finals contender, it’s not.

The Mavericks are just too damn old.

Jason Terry and Shawn Marion have been in the league for 11 years, Jason Kidd a whopping 16. This’ll be Dirk’s 12th year in the NBA and Caron Butler’s 8th. Though drafted straight from high school, Tyson Chandler is now in his 9th year as a pro.

Yes, Boston is a case where age acts more as an asset than a hindrance (Ray Allen is in his 14th year, Kevin Garnett his 15th, Shaq his 18th and Paul Pierce his 12th). But, unlike the Mavs, the Celtics and its Old Core specialize in long-range shooting and low post footwork; things that tend to get better with age. They also have a lightning-quick and intelligent point guard in Rajon Rondo and young, energetic guards like Nate Robinson and Delonte West coming off the bench.

Dallas’ bench is as weak as its starters are old and most of the team’s core assets (with the exception of Dirk) are players whose ability lies in speed and athleticism; the first things to go with age.

So while they might look good now:


Rest assured, an entire season without decent substitution will take its toll on the German Messiah and his flock of weak knees.